talking2myself

Feeling Hedged In – Dream

I rarely remember dreams but when I do, they do tend to memorable.  Had one just the other day and wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that I feel a bit restricted, hemmed in, if you like, even though it was not stifling, if you know what I mean. 

I am some sort of hotel conference center, you know the ones, with lots of doors and steps and it was very busy, people and staff milling around everywhere.   I am there obviously looking for an important deal or something like that but feeling quite lost and out of place in this dark, posh place.

Not finding the person or thing, I am looking for, I go outside in the car park where groups of people lolling around talking and smoking – the UK is now a non-smoking friendly place – and I go to the far reaches of car park and light a cigarette.  Even in my dream I know that I have not smoked for nearly 2 years but the stress seems to make me think it will help.  The cigarette tastes somewhat awful and I am debating dropping it when I spot wife coming into car park, chatting and laughing on mobile phone.  I get very irritated, throw the cigarette behind me and stride towards her, miming the question as to why she is there. 

If you know my wife, she talks a lot on mobile phones and she hates her conversation being interrupted so she sorts of looks at me but continues smiling and talking while I increasing getting peeved off am now actually asking why she is here.  She then hands me the phone like she does so often for me to talk into talk.  I grab the phone say ‘hello’ twice, get no response and hang up the phone telling her how she is wasting my time. I sort of start to march her gently to the entrance of the car park telling her she is ‘interrupting’ and being a ‘distraction’ from what I am doing.  She is obviously more interested in ‘distracting’ me and getting me away from this place. 

I wake up.

I am at a point in my life where some big decisions have to be made.  I need to move on but I have to try and take into consideration my family.  What I really want to do will be a major upheaval and a change of lifestyle that I am not so sure will go down with the loved ones.  And so the distractions are lots!

I obviously have to get to the point where a decision is made and I can then remove this irritant because it certainly doesn’t make for a balanced me.

May you find the balance.