talking2myself

Modern parenting is a bad excuse.

News story doing the rounds today about how parents’ ambitions in today’s society are damaging their children’s well being – see http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/feb/02/children-wellbeing-success for example.  Now, this is not the first time that this sort of discussion has come up and I think it is good that it is debated but I feel that too many times this is a little one sided and maybe we are trying to make a bad excuse for a deeper issue within our society.

I grew up in Africa and the absentee parent is part and parcel of many, many children’s lives. Reasonably well off people in Africa have servants, and in many cases the worker is resident in an outhouse and usually only gets to go ‘home’ once or twice a year.  That was when they saw their children!  African fathers went off to work in mines in towns and cities in other countries – South Africa’s mines had a large migrant labour force.  If anything, given the opportunity, many of these children became the teachers, doctors, engineers and other highly qualified and skilled people.  Still with respect for their elders, their culture (even when disagreeing with some of it) and the rules of society.  However, as we look at the younger African, we realise that the modern disease is creeping in.

I quite suspect that the older generations in Britain (especially amongst the working classes) will remember their hard working parents one or both who never seemed to be around all the time and they must shake their heads at the ’sissy’ society we have seemed to have become.  

A one parent family or a two parent ‘fight all the time’ family?  A loving step mother of a crack mad mum?  If there are more broken families, is there not a greater chance that these ‘poor’ children will come from one?

What our children have become goes much deeper than the ambition of parents.   Unless, you say it is wrong to have ambitions to better yourself – then we better stop telling our youngsters that they can be anything they want to be, if they work hard enough.  Are we saying that as soon as you become a parent, life stops and now resolve around that of your offspring?  So much talent and national investment (schooling, university and training) will be wasted if that is the case.

I feel that something about modern living is driving society – my money is on greed – everyone wants something and we admire those who have everything.  Unfortunately not everyone can have everything – we’d all be poor – but we do not know how and therefore we (as in society rather than parents) cannot teach our children to accept this reality and instead look to find the contentment which comes from being the best person you can be.

May you find the balance.